Traditional reports of club trials events typically follow a format of:

·         Weather.

·         Attendance.

·         Section Severity.

·         Thrills & spills.

·         Results.

·         Sausages.

However, when attending your first MNZ sanctioned event then there are a number of logistical and house-keeping hurdles to negotiate before you can ride in the two day trial:

·         $125 for an MNZ license that will only get you part way through your first season.

·         Send an entry, enclosing details of your new MNZ license.

·         A helmet of an acceptable standard.

·         Accommodation.

·         Transport.

·         Fodder.

·         Tools, spares, fuel, pump etc etc.

Fortunately, the Pioneer club is blessed with a number of seasoned veterans that have been attending national trials events since the dawn of time. So, you can imagine the relief experienced when the Club Captain and his band of merry men (some merrier than others) extended their services to the new kid on the block. Here’s the drill:

·         Rob McKay collects you from your house, loads your bike into his van, drives you to and from the event.

·         Luxurious cost conscious accommodation is secured no more than 5km from the event.

·         A public house, restaurant and pie shop can all be found within stumbling distance of above accommodation.

Even more fortuitously, the weekend was also to serve as a training exercise, though not of the trials variety. Apparently, tradition dictates that new blood be the domestic slave of other Pioneer members, in particular those holding positions of office. Legend tells that the great John Regan endured “virgin detail” for five long years. Since being relieved of this onerous task John’s results have improved dramatically.

Thanks to my considerate task masters I am now able to:

·         Cook a “Full English” for five on two hobs in less than 20 minutes.

·         Open bottles of beer and make cups of tea at the same time.

·         Recite the “The Club Captain’s Song” off by heart.

·         “Share” a confined space with the Club Captain.

·         Partake in “just one more” with John Regan.

·         Donate freely to purveyors of fine trials accessories.

Afraid? Don’t be. The calming influence of the Club President and Club Treasurer is never far away.

Andy "Virg" Beale